Darren Shan the Vampire Barber of Fleet Street
by Rikki Tivursky
Summary: Sweeney Todd/Saga of Darren Shan parody song stories, a collection of some of my favorite Sweeney Todd song turned into stories featuring characters from DS and OCs.
1. Epiphany

**Epiphany RS Remix**

**By: RT**

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own either Saga of Darren Shan or the Lyrics to the Sweeney Todd song 'Epiphany'._

**Author's Note:** _Just to make it easier the cast goes as: Rory; Sweeney Todd, Steve; Mrs. Lovette. So some of the dialogue will seem out of place for some characters but I wanted to keep as much of the original lyrics as possible. Also if you notice any errors of the spelling or gramatical kind let me know please._

Rory Hollis stormed out of the doors that lead to the roof, she pushed it opened so rough it banged hard against the wall. It was such a loud noise that it would have bothered anyone if there had been someone living on the top floor.

"All this running and shouting about, what's happened?" Steve asked as he was coming up behind her.  
Rory didn't acknowledge him at first and walked up to the edge of the roof and leaned over the side and looked down at the street below.  
"No I had her! Her throat was there beneath my hand. I had her! Her throat was there and now she'll never come again!" she yelled and banged her hands against the edges.

"Easy now, hush love hush I keep telling you..." Steve started but she cut him off

"When? Why do I wait?" She asked aloud and then swiftly turned around and took several steps toward Steve.  
"You told me to wait! Now she'll never come again." she turned around and walked back over towards the edge again and looked down. "There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and it's filled with people who are filled with shit, and the vermin of the world inhabit it." she mumbled to herself but Steve hear it very clearly.  
"But not for long..." she laughed to herself.

"They all deserve to die. Tell you why, Leonard, tell you why. Because in all of the whole human race Leonard, there are two kinds of men and only two. There's the one they put in his proper place and the one with his foot in the other one's face. Look at me, Leonard, look at you." Rory said as she looked down at the people walking down the street, they looked so small and insignificant. She climbed up and stood on the edge like she was going to jump, but she kept her balance and continued to watch.

"Now we all deserve to die even you Leonard...even I, because the lives of the wicked should be made brief.  
For the rest of us death will be a relief we all deserve to die."

"And I'll never see Darren; no I'll never hold my love to me - finished!"  
Then without warning she stepped forward and slipped off the edge, she fell towards the ground. It looked like she was going to hit the ground but a few feet shy of the ground she twisted her body so she fell upright and landed softly on her feet. She straightened herself up and slowly walked over to a man who was making his was down the street. As she walked she pulled out a switchblade and quickly flicked it open with a flick of her wrist.  
"Alright! You sir, you sir, how about a shave?" She was standing in front of him with the blade pointing to his throat, but he continued on as if he didn't see her so she walked over to the next nearest person. "Come and visit your good friend Rory." It seems no one paid attention to Rory as she walked up to one person after another. "You sir, you sir? Welcome to the grave."

Then she turned in the middle of the street and spun around in a slow circle.  
"I will have vengeance. I will have salvation." she yelled and it rang out and echoed about.  
"Who sir, you sir?" She asked quickly turning to a pedestrian walking past her.  
"No one in the chair, come on! Come on! Rory's waiting. I want you bleeders." she snarled and started following someone but stopped and went after another.  
"You sir - anybody. Gentlemen don't be shy!" she called as they all walked passed her.

She walked over to a light post and climbed on it so she could see over the heads of everyone walking by. She swung around the light post and laughed.  
"Not one man, no, no ten men. Not a hundred can assuage me -I will have you! And I will get her back even as she gloats in the meantime I'll practice on dishonorable throats. And my love lies in ashes and I'll never see my Darren again."

"But the work waits! I'm alive at last! And I'm full of joy!" She yelled, standing on the edge on the roof again as if nothing had happened. Which it didn't, falling over the edge and talking to the humans below had all been in her imagination. Steve walked over and sat down on the edge and looked over at the view below.

"So what do you think we should do next?" He asked as the two of them looked down at the world.


	2. My Friends

**My Friends**

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own either Saga of Darren Shan or the Lyrics to the Sweeney Todd song 'My Friends'._

**Author's Note:** _the Cast goes as: Rory- Sweeney Todd, Steve- Mrs. Lovette. _

Two figures walked into an old vacant house that seemed to have been unused and abandoned for quite some time by the look of all the dust in the room. The room seemed to echo with each and every little noise they made. One of them walked over to a corner of the room and kneeling down on the floor started feeling around the seams of the floorboards, after a good minute or two one of the floorboards came out of its groove. Lifting it and putting it to the side they reached into the newly exposed hole and brought out a small bundle wrapped in clothe and tied securely with some twine.

"So is it what you were looking for?" asked the taller figure and for a moment the other didn't reply.

"Yes." Came the soft reply, as if the other person was distracted and lost in thought.

Stepping into the light pouring into the room from the window the smaller person wanted to get a better look at the bundle and at the same time revealed that they were female. While standing in the light she untied the twine from around the bundle and then reached inside. She pulled out what looked like a wooden box, and slowly opened it; the lid came off easily and without much sound and tucked inside were folded up blades. They were settled in an old red cloth which looked like some sort of velvet. The blades themselves seemed to be made of a silver-like metal that held its shine despite the fact that the blades were actually quite old. She gently grabbed one and experimentally flicked the blade open it seemed to open smoothly despite its age.

"These are my friends, see how they glisten?" She said out loud as she examined the blade she was holding in her hand. She slowly ran a finger down the sharp edge careful not to cut her finger. "See this one shine…how he smiles in the light…my friends, my faithful friends..." she whispered almost lovingly to the knife, as she held in gently and loose on her hand to show it off in the scarce light.

"Speak to me, friend. Whisper, I'll listen," she said tilting the blade up in the air so that it caught the light at an angle. "I know, I know you've been locked out of sight all these years! Like me…my friend! Well, I've come home to find you waiting! Home and we're together...And we'll do wonders...Won't we...?" she asked the blade again as if it were a living thing.

"You there, my friend," she put down one blade and picking up another that was slightly larger than the other ones. Once again testing out how well it opened with a flick of the wrist.

"I'm your friend too, Rory," Steve replied from behind her as she continued to marvel at the blades but it seemed that she wasn't listening to a word he was saying.

"Come, let me hold you." She whispered to the metal blade in her hand softly.

"If you only knew, Rory," He said still trying to talk to her, but she was too preoccupied to listen to him.

"Now, with a sigh, you grow warm in my hand..." she noted as she felt the cold metal starting to slowly warm up in her hands from the heat of her body, almost giving the illusion that the blade was coming to life again.

"Ooh, Rory, You're warm in my hand..." he said as he touched the side of her arms.

"My friend…" had she referred to him just now? It wasn't clear but he would take it.

"You've come home..." he whispered happily hoping that she would stay around a bit longer.

"My clever friend..." once again she was referring to the cold piece of metal in her hand.

"Always had a fondness for you, I did," Steve admitted as if he was trying to get her attention again, but it didn't work so well.

"Rest now, my friends," She cooed to the blade and its brethren who still in the box.

"Never you fear, Rory," He promised her.

"Soon I'll unfold you," She told the rest of the blades as looked down at them.

"You can move in here Rory," he told her, giving her the permission to use the space they were standing in at the moment in any way she saw fit.

"Soon you'll know splendors," She told her blades.

"Splendors you never have dreamed all your days," They seemed to say at the same moment.

"Will be yours!" he told her which sounded like another promise.

"My lucky friends," She murmured softly as she thought about what she was going to do with them. It brought quite a smile to her face the more she thought about it.

"I'm your friend, and you're mine!" he said though on the last part he moved even closer to her so that they were nearly brushing against each other.

"Till now your shine was merely silver," She noted again as if the blade could hear her words of praise, or maybe she was simply speaking to herself out loud.

"Don't they shine beautiful? Silver's good enough for me, Rory..." he commented, hoping that she had heard him, but if she did she didn't make any sign that she did.

"Friends… you shall drip rubies… you'll soon drip precious rubies…" she said promising a taste of blood to her blades, because what she had in mind was going to very messy.

"At last my arm is complete again!" She said as she raised the blade high in the air and held it there for a moment before she cut a quick and heavy downward slash in the air to test its movements.


End file.
